What do kids really need during separation...

During a divorce, children need and want to know certain things to help them understand and navigate the changes happening in their family. Here are some important things children may need and want to know:

1. Honest and Age-Appropriate Information: Children want to know the truth about what is happening. It's important to provide them with honest and age-appropriate explanations about the divorce, without burdening them with excessive details or adult conflicts. Being honest is not burdening them with your views of the other parent or your views about where the blame lies for the separation. It's more about being age appropriate in telling them there might be some changes ahead but reassuring them they are loved and everything will be okay for them.

2. Reassurance of Love and Support: Children need reassurance that they are loved and supported by both parents, despite the changes in the family structure. Let them know that the divorce is not their fault and that both parents will continue to be there for them.

3. Clear Communication: Children need open and clear communication from both parents. Depending on their age, they might want to be kept informed about any changes in living arrangements, visitation schedules, or other practical matters that directly affect them. Regular updates and discussions help alleviate anxiety and uncertainty.

4. Continuity and Stability: Children crave stability amidst the upheaval of divorce. They want to know that important aspects of their lives, such as school, activities, and friendships, will remain consistent. Assure them that efforts will be made to maintain routines and stability as much as possible.

5. Permission to Express Feelings: Children need to know that it's okay to express their feelings about the divorce. Encourage open dialogue and provide them with a safe space to share their emotions. Listen attentively, validate their feelings, and offer support and understanding.

6. Neutral Ground: Children should be assured that they do not need to take sides or choose between parents. Emphasize that they can maintain a loving relationship with both parents and that their feelings of love for one parent do not diminish their love for the other.

7. Future Plans: Children benefit from knowing about future plans and how their lives will be structured after the divorce. Discuss any changes to living arrangements, visitation schedules, and how both parents will continue to be involved in their lives. Clear expectations can help children adjust and feel secure.

8. Reassurance of Stability: Children may worry about their own future and security. Provide reassurance about the steps being taken to ensure their well-being, such as financial stability, housing arrangements, and ongoing support.

9. Confidentiality and Privacy: Children should be assured that their personal thoughts, feelings, and discussions with each parent will be respected and kept confidential. This encourages trust and openness.

10. Ongoing Love and Care: Above all, children need to know that they will continue to be loved and cared for by both parents. Reiterate that the divorce is a change in the parents' relationship, not their love for the child.

Remember that each child's needs may vary, and it's essential to consider their age, maturity level, and individual circumstances when addressing their concerns and providing information.